What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 00:22
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What is your craziest/worst Halloween story?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Horoscope for Tuesday, 6/10/25 by Christopher Renstrom - SFGATE
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Would this be the day?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
5 Things to Know Before the Stock Market Opens - Yahoo Finance
We were not on the streets..
I waited trembling.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
How do the youth in Taiwan perceive their national identity in relation to China?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We all went to grammer schools
Are there any Indian wife swapping stories?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
How can I be okay with being ugly? What is the bright side?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What makes you feel guilty the most?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ryan Reynolds’ ‘Animal Friends’ Delayed to 2026 at Warner Bros. - The Hollywood Reporter
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was scared of men, in general
(And it was in our own minds.)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I don,t even have a pension.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And i lived it daily.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So whats the point in blame.
I was seconnd youngest,
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
When she asked me how she looked .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One cannot live in the past .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Was to survive, this bastard.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She wouldn,t have been !
Why did i forgive my father ?
Comes on , in middle age.
But, we were locked up after school.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She loved him until the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What did i know ?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I said to her
He knew the spot.
All the time i was locked up.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But ive been too sick for many years..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I have no regrets .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She found it foreign!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I think the readers, may guess!
I was 9 years of age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My life is so biszare .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My family never makes their pension either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It was going to be , some day.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was in good health!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Ive learnt so much.
Im still living with it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Who then, do I blame.?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it wasn’t much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is soul school!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She married twice! .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was very sick at this time too.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!